I am trying to start some things… partnerships, projects, etc. And I’ve always been a stickler for the rules. I want to know how things are going to go, what are each person’s roles, who is accountable for what and who holds them accountable? I don’t think ANYONE out there thinks as much as I do about these things. The only problem is that I have ALWAYS gone about finding the answers to such questions as though the rules already exist; I just have to LEARN what they are. I have NEVER THOUGHT that there are situations where the rules don’t exist and I have to invent them. This is completely mind-boggling to me.

So I am struggling with these projects because I find myself stopping to look for someone to affirm, to approve, to hold me accountable to following the rules. But what if there are no rules? I have to create the rules for the projects I’m considering, by myself or with others, and I/we will be creating rules for everyone involved to live by within the project/org. Can I do that? Do I have the power? Do I want it? My head is spinning.

I could do absolutely amazing things if I were confident that they were allowed. This sounds ludicrous as I write it. I can write pages about my values and my vision for the project, but that’s clearly too many rules. How does one do this sort of thing?

I see myself as someone who can create, who knows a lot and who is a potential leader. In order to be a leader, you need to inspire followers, or at least co-contributors. This seems like magic when good smart people find their followers. I visualize myself having a community of co-contributors, but I’m not certain how to start attracting them and I’m incredibly worried that I will freak out and not want them once they do arrive in my sphere.

One step at a time. Writing brings clarity. More writing, more brainstorming, more thoughts (and insecurities) on virtual paper. All good things. I will get to writing the rules in due time.