The Dam Breaks?

I have a confession to make, though loyal readers already know… I have not posted any new writing in this blog for a few weeks now. I broke my writing habit/commitment. I failed to live up to my own ideal. As you may recall, I had set the intention a while ago to publish SOMETHING, even if it wasn’t “good” at least weekly and I had quite the streak going. With a couple short breaks where I had a 9-10 day gap between posts, I had been consistently writing and posting in this space for more than 2 years. That ended in April, 2022. I fell off the wagon. I took two whole weeks off.

Now I wasn’t completely devoid of inspiration. I had some great attention to some LinkedIn comments and direct posts I tossed up in moments where I had a flash. My main issue with the blog, though, is that I have to have three things come together in order to construct a post. First, a relevant topic, something from the news or a conversation I had that sparked some novel idea in my head. Second, the clarity of mind to be able to communicate a few distinct key points about that topic. And third, the time to sit down and compose when those first two things come together.

I do not write like most “normal” people. I do not have a set writing practice. I do not write a first draft, set it aside, reread, revise, edit… there’s no time for all that. I also still struggle quite mightily with rereading any of my old stuff, even if it’s good and I know it. I write when those three conditions are met, period. And what comes out of that is read by my husband for clarity and typos and is scheduled to publish on the next Tuesday morning, with few exceptions. This is the process that works for me and it has taken a lot of internal work for me to see it as valid.

It has been hard to call myself a writer for just this reason. Writers are consistent. Writers have a practice. Writers also edit themselves and/or others. Writers get together in writers’ groups for inspiration and support. I don’t do any of these things. Am I still a writer?

And yet I have found a way to publish something every week for years. So I am a writer, albeit a neurodivergent one. The world’s collective advice for how to do most things is absolute rubbish to many neurodivergent folks and this fact absolutely holds us back from doing, being and creating the fucking magical shit we have been put on this earth to do. We must write and follow our own instruction manual because those that were written in the past are not meant for us.

You still get to do the thing. You are able and entitled to be included in the group, even if you have to define your own path to get from point A to point B. Once you do the work and send it out into the world, you’ve done it. Once you find the replicable pattern FOR YOU, keep it up! Don’t wait for others to tell you what you’re doing is OK or that it should be done differently, at least for creative pursuits, and I see most things as creative. Exceptions, of course, are things that are truly quantitative and process-oriented, like designing and engineering a bridge or manufacturing a microprocessor. I’m talking about other things.

Oh yeah, I was originally talking about my inadvertent hiatus and it’s cause. The truth is I think I just needed a nap. My brain was spinning, no clarity, plenty of ideas, plenty of time, but no ability to form my ever-drifting thoughts into sentences to communicate with the outside world. I’m hoping this post is the beginning of the breaking of the dam and my three conditions will once again be fulfilled on the regular. Because keeping all this inside of this brain isn’t good for anyone! Here’s hoping for more clarity on the near future.

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