So, folks, it has been a while. Any semblance of a writing “practice” I had built beginning at the onset of the pandemic in March 2020 has left my being due to an intense series of events that have occurred to and around me and my family in the last two months. I will admit I was struggling a bit before, but I had finally been knocked completely off-course… derailed.

I won’t go into detail here and now, partly because that’s not at all what I want this post to be about, and partly because I really don’t need another cry about it all at the moment, though my tears and a deep well of painful emotion continues to exist just below the surface. For those who know about it all, I am not fully OK, but I am on the path toward becoming OK again. To all those who have supported me over the last few months, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Because I haven’t been writing and have been dealing with a truck load of shit, emotionally and in “real life,” I’ve probably even forgotten about some of the things that have happened. Each event, on its own, would not necessarily have caused such intense distress, but all at once, I quickly found myself unable to cope with the day-to-day living part of life. I have been on a short-term disability leave from my day job since April 24th and I am extremely lucky to have (finally) had that leave approved so that I will have a portion of my salary paid back to me retroactively. This will help with some of the additional downstream stress that aggravated my emotional condition for the last 2 months.

In the meantime, while I have been recovering and trying to keep myself and my family safe, sane, fed, rested, calm, and exercised, some other positive things have happened as well. Specifically, I have helped bring a brand new non-profit org into existence. Now if you asked me most days, I would tell you that I had VERY little to do with the process and my contributions seemed miniscule, but my business partners in this venture continue to tell me otherwise, and some days, I believe them. I also know that if left to my own devices, Umbrella Alliance US would not exist at all, and that the same would not be said for the others, but I do see how my support and advice has shaped and streamlined their actions and has contributed to our being where we are today. This project has given me something to be proud of and look forward to, and more than anything else, it has given me an anchor to hold on to while the rest of my life has been in a state of incredible disruption.

Tomorrow, I go back to my “day job,” as well. I have no more vacation or sick leave so there is no better than a direct correlation between the minutes I am clocked in and the income I am earning. I feel this situation will have me on a metaphorical short leash. While I have the permission, by recommendation of my mental health care provider, to begin my re-entry to the workplace at half-time and ramping back up to full-time over the course of the next 3 weeks, financially this situation may be difficult. Though I am extremely lucky to have had short-term disability insurance provided by my employer in the first place, taking that time and coming back off of it still put my mental health at odds with my bank account and my financial security. I am extremely privileged and I am not nearly as insecure as many others, but the fear and instability remains.

So here I am, on my last day of leave, trying to restart my writing practice so that I can retrain my brain to be able to contribute my writing as it is my best asset for Umbrella Alliance US going forward. Here’s hoping that things will continue on the upward trajectory for me and that my low times are indeed winding down. Goddess knows I could use some good news, positive outcomes, and general affirmation right about now. Best wishes to any readers who may still be out there. I appreciate you all.