Hey y’all, it’s been a minute, eh? I didn’t exactly plan to take a hiatus from the blog entirely and yet it’s clearly what I needed to do for the last while, says the universe. And now, the universe is telling me (by keeping me awake on the one night when I VERY INTENTIONALLY went to bed early to get extra sleep), tonight, you must write. And so here I am.

There isn’t even anything especially profound on my mind, but I do know these are also times I feel if I just riff for a bit, sooner or later some gems will pop out and make it to the page. It has been several weeks since I have been able to construct and hold on to a coherent thought long enough to express it with words, even verbally in the moment, so you’ll have to bear with me.

When I last wrote, it was right after having attended a day-long retreat to mark the summer solstice. It was put on by Megan Leatherman of A Wild New Work in Portland, Oregon. It was a much needed day off intention that helped me make a hard pivot away from the spring from hell. I won’t share too in depth about all the activities and how brilliantly organized and thoughtful it all was, but if you get a chance to work with or even just follow Megan on social media or by listening to her podcast, it will be worth your while.

Since then, we have been laying pretty low, to be honest. Caring for the doggos still requires extra attention after the traumatic spring. I’ve been considering meeting with a pet behavior specialist/communicator to see if there might be anything else we can do to help both of them be a little less anxious and reactive so that I can also be a little less anxious whenever I take them for a walk. Some days are better than others, but there’s no telling what the triggers are for a good or bad day, and so we carry on.

We have managed to plan a relatively last minute camping trip on Labor Day weekend which I’m excited and nervous about, particularly because of the dogs. No doubt, because it was so last minute and we’re staying in multiple nearby-but-not-adjoining sites in a full campground, the doggos will require some close monitoring. I’m bringing all the calming treats and items from home to make it work so hopefully they won’t ruin some kid’s trip by barking ferociously at the end of their leashes while the kid rides past on their bike or something. Maybe the fresh air and outdoor time will help us all.

AND THEN in September, my brother and his girlfriend are coming to visit for the first time in maybe 8-10 years. They live across the country, also have two dogs, and have demanding jobs that do not allow for extended time off for travel. But we finally talked them into it. It won’t be long enough and we’re trying to plan some activities, but not too many, and plan some food preparation and/or must-visit restaurants, but not too much… you know how it is. The first thing we planned is a family karaoke party at Voicebox, where they have private rooms for your group to control the light and sound and pick all the songs you want to sing. It’s a pretty fun thing to do with a group; I’ve been there for a team building thing at the day job and for a New Year’s Eve birthday party bash and it was fun in both contexts. My brother is one of the funniest people I know so I have no doubt it will be entertaining.

That’s pretty much it for the personal download. It feels like enough. Concurrent planning of events is always complicated because I forget which things have to happen first and what can or must wait. For example, I almost pulled the pork roast out of the freezer the other day to thaw, but then remembered I really shouldn’t do that 3 weeks ahead of when it’s needed. I used to be able to keep track of all these things in my head quite easily. Now, due to Covid, or trauma, or aging, or more specifically, perimenopause, I can’t remember shit. Luckily for me, I’m surrounded by plenty of people who remind me that I am enough and I do get shit done and have things to be proud of and all that. But it still feels like a loss of competence. Hopefully my gaining experience with loss in general and the perspective it brings will become something I can appreciate as much or more than the gifts I can only mourn no longer having.

Which brings me to another point… we humans, particularly Americans maybe, do not deal with change well. We will put it off and put it off until something just fucking stretches beyond its capacity and breaks. And then, rather than dealing with all the precursors to the original strain in the system, we’re like, screw it! Let’s just put everything back in place, call it bigger and better than it was and sell it all over again! How much more climate change evidence do we need to see before we start adjusting our behavior on the front end to acknowledge what is clearly a volatile situation that we caused through our ignorance and greed?

Change is inevitable and constant. Some of us are more sensitive to changes in our environment or surroundings than others. Sadly, for a majority of human history, those with these extra “sensitivities” have been, at best, mocked and shunned, or at worst, driven from “civilized” society or even put to death. All to avoid change that was actually happening beyond the average man’s perception. I mean, sure, I could’ve said “human” there, but let’s call a spade a spade, shall we? In a patriarchal society, men are generally in charge, making the decisions, driving the direction of societal progress. Where has that gotten us?

We, in the autistic community, speak a lot of feeling like the “canary in the coal mine.” Like we are the first to feel or know when something is off, and may even be willing/ able to put our observations into words only to experience those words to be bottled up or find ourselves victims of gaslighting by people who are confident that if there was anything wrong, they would also be able to feel it. But they can’t feel what we can. The neurodiversity movement exists to bring those voices into the open, to let all people speak the truth and elevate the voices and alarm bells being rung by the most sensitive. They are our environment’s and our society’s first responders.

There is so much change happening in the universe right now. It is hard to even fathom, to wrap your brain around it all. The good thing is that you don’t have to… you only have to find your niche, stay engaged, and do good work, meaning care for others and minimize harm. By being engaged, you will become part of the change and can affect its direction, our direction, in a positive way. We need all hands on deck because, despite all the penis- shaped rockets being built by CERTAIN PEOPLE, we only have one planet. We must start to consistently behave like we give a fuck about its (and our own) continues existence. No one is coming to save us.

And with that, the writing drought has come to an end, and with any luck, I will get a few more hours of sleep yet.